I am starting to realize that the feelings I wrote in my last post were also strongly related to anger. I did not appreciate or understand this until there was another trigger of a similar episode both yesterday, where I walked what I interpreted as "anger" out, walking fast in the park. This evening, I had the same feeling of chest-pain, pain radiating down my arms and then I cut-out, like a fuse blowing. I saw red. Someone sent me an email that upset me. I realized I was angry, tried to sit in both my shoes and that of the other person before replying in a moderated way to the email, whilst also being aware of the usage of email and how it can be interpreted or misconstrued. This was a work-related, rather than a personal matter, so sorted it out, before texting a colleague for support.
On my way home from work, I had found a really fantastic imagery which I am going to use, to diffuse my remaining anger. I could first dance, now I am home, but then this is my imagery (don't laugh!). My head and spine are the Central Line (think London Underground) and my arms and legs are the different branches of the Northern Line. My left arm is the Edgware Branch of the Northern Line with my elbow being Hampstead. My right arm is the High Barnet Branch of the Northern line with my elbow being Archway. My left leg is the Mordern Via Bank line, with my knee being 'Bank' and my right leg is Kennington via Charing Cross with my right knee being Charing Cross. There is a train in my body and it has to travel through all parts of the system including down the central line. I can use the train to track(!) my feelings throughout the body underground system. If there is a blockage on the line, I can divert my train to a freer part of the network. I am already sensing that the Edgware Branch is very constricted and blocked. The High Barnet, Kennigton and Morden branches are all OK. The Central Line is mildly blocked at my chest. If I think carefully, perhaps I can soften these blockages so the train can travel freely around my body. It is my imagery, and if it works for me, then that is great. My other imagery tools involve blue butterflies. Avoiding turning my head to the left is important in order to ignite traumatic imagery.