Thursday, October 17, 2013

Second Session of Somatic Experiencing®

In my second SE® session, we started by a check-in about how I felt. I reported to feeling a tight pull in my left side from the top of my head, through my jaw and into my chest and down my left arm. I said that I felt pulled to the left. We talked about my safe places again - e.g. the restaurant with my friends in Piccadilly, France and arriving at my place of work. I then felt the need to sit down on the floor with my legs crossed and my back against the wall. I said that felt a huge physical pull to the left. I fell to the left quite quickly, but T (therapist) wanted me to fall to the left in a much slower and more controlled way. We discussed what make any such fall safer and more comfortable for me. I suggested that we had some pillows stacked up, and then I moved to the other side of the room where there was a rolled-up futon and added some pillows to that. I then sat with my legs crossed again, but back without support as I was very, very gradually pulled to the left. In total, the experience must have taken towards 15 minutes, as I slowly fell to the left, but the pull was incredible. By the time I got to the bottom - or was lying on my left side, I felt exhausted. I was a little tearful. I felt sore on the right-side of my back where it had had to control the slowness of my pull to the left. There were no words to explain the experience - I didn't know what it was about. I badly wanted to, but the exercise, for its purpose, was finished. T and I discussed my places of safety again and the session finished.

I slept deeply and heavily following the experience, but a few days later felt deeply depressed. However, my chest pain had gone and my feelings of having a heart attack, which had escalated over recent weeks had stopped. Although my dear father had died of a very major heart attack when he was only 40, I imagine that has had a life-long impact on me and my own fear of having a heart attack. I am in my late thirties. This is my own processing, but the SE helped take away some of that physical terror that remained in my body.

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