Thursday, January 2, 2014

In 'Shell-Shock' like state!

I am going through some interesting, but challenging processes at the moment. Firstly, I have been in huge pain (all down the back-line (Myers) of my body, and been suffering and experiencing extreme fatigue and exhaustion. This morning, I started doing some work on a book I am completing, and started off by really struggling because I was just so fatigued, but then decided to include a huge amount in the dance chapter I am writing about my specialist subject of 'hypermobility' and 'hypermobility sydromes' because it is so relevant to dance. My chapter then expanded enormously. I then went down to lunch at this wonderful writer's retreat I am staying at in North Devon in a state of what I can only describe as 'shell-shock.' I felt muted, stunned and like a rabbit caught in the headlights. I felt cold, had peed an enormous amount, and found myself regularly dissociating during lunch. I think because  I felt so stressed and anxious, it was easy to see why I went out of my body, and I am feeling overloaded and overwhelmed, so possibly in the 'red' state of my bucket, with a book deadline that is really looming.

It is hard for me to stop working at this brutal pace now for about the next ten days, but I am then going to have to factor in some serious rest and relaxation. In the meantime, I have until Saturday at my writer's retreat, and can have Sunday as a "sleeping" day at home, and try and sleep when I can here, at the retreat. I have been doing my bath exercises, but now am going to have to try and turn the stress-pedal down as I am now working in a hyper-adrenal state which will only go to one end - burn-out. Self-soothing and a long walk might help today!

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